While digging through blogs for a recipe, I ran across a post from 2014 titled 'Homophobic,' and I couldn't let it stand, even though I don't come here anymore. I'm very sorry for the harm and alienation my post might have caused.
I wrote from the viewpoint, evidently, that being queer is the same as choosing to be Christian. Had my argument been about, say, black people (e.g. "people don't want to be judged for being black but then they judge me for being [believing in a religion that historically has not treated black people well], so they're hypocrites"), the false equivalency would have been obvious. (I also used a classic bigot argument: "I have a gay friend so obviously I'm not homophobic.")
Since writing that post, I've discovered a lot about myself. Perhaps just a year afterwards, I learned that I'm asexual. A lot of my understanding of the queer world before then was rooted in the idea that being queer was inherently sexual, which is why I didn't want to read queer fiction. Reading anything physically intimate beyond like soft cuddles, chaste kisses, and hand-holding made me uncomfortable and still does because I'm asexual. go figure!!
Now I recognize that queerness isn't a choice and one's identity isn't inherently sexual or sexually deviant. One cannot choose to be queer as one can choose to believe in a religion.
There's all this stuff I'm still figuring out because I grew up in a white conservative household. It was life-changing to learn that asexuality was even a thing and I wasn't just broken, unlike everyone who experienced any kind of attraction. I desperately wish I had known all of the options when I was younger, because I was telling myself by age thirteen that 'I have like five years to get over this before I need to be chill with having sex.' What a terrible mindset!
I'm no longer a practicing Mormon, though I'd still call myself one. I believe the church has so many good things to offer, and the changes the latest prophet has been making are incredibly encouraging for its future, but a lot of the current rhetoric still actively harms queer people, and the church has failed to redress past harm.
I wish I could find everyone I ever fought with over my homophobia and personally apologize to them, because this shit keeps me up at night. Like there was a time I got into an argument with some dude on youtube about how being gay was a sin, and I regret the entire thing now even if he was an adult thinking he was fighting with another adult when I was in reality just 14. I think about that at least once a month. it's fun having anxiety and adhd!!
anyways. there's that
